This Morning,
While at work, I had an epiphany. I know, who cares about my epiphany, right? What does it mean to you?
Well specifically, it dawned on me that I am being and have been really hard on black women. Particularly African American women...the ones who are living in the shadows of their ancestors here in America. How can I ask them to value marriage and strive to get married when they are not able to see the benefits of married life? I don't mean the benefits of living together, shacking up or whatever like constant sex, shared living expenses, someone to come home to, someone to talk to...I'm talking about a real commitment.
Most of the time living together is like having a roommate who shares your bed- they can leave anytime they want and claim no further commitment.
So, what if as a young black girl, you were raised by a single mom or mother figure like an aunt or grandmother (for whatever reason) who was not married. Hell, I saw my aunt and mother struggle with situations like this all throughout my childhood. For instance, my aunt was with a man for four long years, and he was like an uncle to us. A really good, stabilizing part of our young lives; he was great to her and to our family. That is until...she decided to give him the ultimate comittment- a child of his own. Then the fallacy and silliness of thier "fake" marriage was made clear to us all. He left...just like that. It was as if he could stand being a part of family as long as it was HIS idea and it was a choice. Once it became mandatory, it was no longer cute to him to play house. My aunt became a single parent and has stayed as such for the past 26 years.
So the moral of this story (one among many) is Don't Play House without a commitment. Even a ring and an announcement of engagement is better than a shared lease agreement.
Now, like I was saying, it's unfair for me to expect people to drive a care when they have never been in one or seen anyone who knew how to drive one and therefore were never taught how to drive. This is what my expectation for majority black women amounts to when I expect that they can value marriage as the ultimate commitment and settle for nothing less.
And believe me...marriage is the commitment you want. I can tell you why marriage , I can tell you how to nurture a relationship into that commitment, and I can definitely share with you who would be a good partner and where to find them. You just gotta listen.
